Grieving My Mother

 

My Momma

I know I've been away for a while, and I have tried to start this post several times. It just wasn't time, and I wasn't ready.

I'm not sure that I am now, but I just need to write something. I feel I need to push myself to be able to type the words.

On November 22, just after noon, my mother passed away suddenly.

Every time I say those words, it feels so odd. So surreal. How can this be true? I don't know this reality. I don't know myself without my Momma. Every day is a new challenge.

The memories, the missed phone calls, the plans we'll never finish. Some days it is just too much. I have to take it in bits. Push down the lump in my throat and push through. How do I just go on? How do I keep going and find normal?

My mother was one of the most selfless people I have ever known. She literally lived her life for others and taking care of everyone she loved. She never said no to anything anyone needed. Even when she was tired, or sick, or didn't have the extra time or money. She would say, "Sure!" and make it happen.

She strived to keep her family close. Every birthday, holiday, special event. She was our planner and coordinator. She would make sure everyone was included and felt loved and accepted, no matter what.

Her pure love and acceptance of everyone was by far one of her most memorable qualities. My mother did not have an easy life. She had many trials, and heartbreaks, but she taught us to always be reminded of how blessed we were. How loved we were, and that God is always with us. Her love for and serving the Lord was her biggest accomplishment. I know one day we will be together again, and that is my comfort on days I struggle with her not being here.

I love you so much, Momma.